Week 7

I am doing better.  How strange it feels to say that.  I am not doing really well, but better.  I have been researching a lot and trying different avenues in regards to my depression and quitting smoking.  I am not sure that I can say that any one thing is working at the moment, but something has definitely changed.  The dark clouds are lifting a little and I actually smiled today.  It felt..........odd, free even.

I am trying to fix up the many mistakes I have made with my family.  I feel that a lot of what has been said and done will take a long time to mend and heal.  I am not proud of this at all.  My heart breaks just typing about it.
I do though want to spend some time talking about my weight gain.  I have now gained back all my previously lost weight.  When I quit smoking 2 years ago for 8 months, I gained 15 kilos back.  This time I have gained another 15 kilos, so I have now gained back my original 30 kilos I lost 3 years ago.

Yes I can lose the weight, but you know what, I just don't have the motivation like I did back then.  It may return but for now, I am still disappointed and angry at myself.  It was a hard slog back then, add 3 more years to my age and a few others health problems along the way and it is hard to not feel defeated before I even begin.  I will get this shit sorted.  But for today, I feel better.  Not to bad with the cravings and I even kept my mouth shut for the most of day!  Win Win all round.