Not Coping

I am not sure where to start.  I have been back to see Dr Focus and he has given me some more insight into my anger etc.  Do I like what I hear, not entirely but I will leave that for another post.  For now I just want to sit and just be...............

I feel lost.  My husband and I are not talking and I really feel like my marriage is over.  My children and I are fighting all the time and I just cannot seem to smile anymore.  I have never been in a deep depression before but I believe I am there right now.  I cry most of the day and night.  I cannot think straight and I just eat and eat and the circle begins again.

I have been back to my GP and he has suggested some alternative therapy such as increasing exercise and getting a new hobby.  Why the fuck does he think this will just go away.  I feel like some dark cloud has encased me and I cannot escape or breathe.  I have reached out onto more forums trying to seek someone, anyone, who can relate to how I feel.  I feel like I am suffering this alone and that the way I feel is wrong or rare in some way.  I don't know.  I feel like giving up and just letting what will be, be.

I do have a confession to make though.  I did have a puff of a ciggy.  It tasted like crap and I did not smoke it but I just wanted to see if I felt any different.  Nothing happened except a huge feeling of guilt from doing it.  Shit happens and I have not gone back to smoking and in some way, it helped clear up a lingering question.  If anyone is reading this I am sure they are thinking I just need to get the fuck over shit and move on.  I would if I could.  I do this shit for fun you see.  I have nothing better to do than sit here in misery and attend my own pity party all day.  Nice thought though!