Week 4

So I have hit almost a month and......................
Nothing, I am getting worse by the day.  I am ready to take back up smoking, this is just fucking ridiculous.  I am now in counselling due to my anger problems.  My counsellor is trying to tell me that I have serious anger issues due to the fact that I had suffered some kind of childhood trauma that over time I had suppressed.  No shit Sherlock!  Most people have suffered some kind of trauma but I cannot believe that it was that suppressed that it has come out this way.  I am an ugly person, both mentally and physically right now.  I cannot bare to look at myself without getting angry.  I have gained weight and I cannot stand how I have let myself go.

My thought patterns are often ones of pure aggression.  My family and I constantly argue (OK I ARGUE) and it is even getting to the point that my husband cannot even come home due to the anxiety he feels about facing me when he walks through the door.

I have joined a couple of forums for quitting and a couple of weight loss sites.  I just need to get my head around this shit and get motivated.  I really want a ciggy right now!  Damn it.